Billy

10 Tuesday Jun 2025

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I was inspired to write this story for a talk I gave in church recently.

Once upon a time, a young boy named Billy found himself enthralled in his grandfather’s house while his grandfather watched a symphony concert on TV. He watched to the end as Beethoven’s Ode to Joy was being performed. He stood there captivated as the music built and built. Instruments, dynamics, and energy, culminated in full orchestral statements. The movement concluded with a glorious, blazing affirmation of joy and unity where the orchestra and the choir exploded into triumphant harmony.

“Thou our Father, Christ our Brother,
All who live in love are Thine;
Teach us how to love each other,
Lift us to the joy divine.

Mortals, join the happy chorus,
Which the morning stars began;
Father love is reigning o’er us,
Brother love binds man to man.

Ever singing, march we onward,
Victors in the midst of strife,
Joyful music leads us Sunward
In the triumph song of life.”

Billy decided at that moment that he wanted to become a concert pianist. He asked his father on their way home if he could have piano lessons. They had a piano at home, but it was seldom played and Billy knew that he could put it to good use. Of course, his father said yes, but he told Billy that it would require dedication and discipline. He would need to spend countless hours day after day practicing to achieve his newfound dream. But if he was serious, his father would gladly pay for the lessons. And so days became months and months became years. Billy was getting pretty good when he discovered sports. Now he was in middle school and it was Bill, no longer Billy. As he spent more time playing sports, he spent less time practicing and improving his piano skills. One day, he broke his arm playing football and required many weeks to heal. He was no longer able to play sports or the piano. Well, he could still play with one hand, but with the other it was difficult. All he could do was do his best. His desire to become a concert pianist rekindled and he did his best to practice even with his limited mobility. After many weeks, the cast was removed and Bill continued to focus on his piano studies.

Then he made more friends who liked sports. Gradually, his daily piano practices decreased in duration and intensity. He enjoyed being with his friends more and more while playing school sports. Then he broke his other arm. Again, weeks passed as his desire to return to the piano increased. His friends weren’t around unless it was to play sports anyway. So, he did his best with limited mobility to improve his skill with the piano until this cast came off. By the end of the year, he was at his peak. He was no Mozart—yet, but he knew that he would achieve his goal.

By the time Bill entered high school, he had been noticed by the coaches due to his size and he was recruited to play football. He began to enjoy it even more and the camaraderie that came with it. He spent more time with the guys on his team out on the field than he did at the piano. His very supportive father never objected to any of Bill’s goals, desires, or dreams because he was, of course, a very good and supportive father. During a game, he was hit so hard that the impact tore the rotator cuff on his right shoulder. This required surgery and months of rest, recovery, and physical therapy. This time, Bill could not so easily practice on the piano. He was required to keep his arm in a sling which was required to be fixed against his torso. It was imperative that his arm remained immobilized to allow the connective tissues in his shoulder to heal properly. This time, he could not practice the piano unless it was with his left hand only. For the next six weeks, he practiced with his left hand. After much frustration, His father told him that if he really wanted to become a concert pianist, he would have to quit sports. Dividing his time and talents would make it impossible for him to achieve his childhood dream. Bill wasn’t even sure anymore that he wanted to play the piano. Sure, he enjoyed it, but he felt the pull to be with his friends, his teammates, the stadium lights, and all the fun and attention that came with playing football. That night, Bill was looking at his cellphone and scrolled through his playlist and saw it. Ode to Joy. He did not feel like listening to it, but he clicked on it anyway. It had been some time since he listened to it, let alone Beethoven’s 9th symphony.

At first he just stared at the wall while the music played. It started quietly with ambiguity and tension. Then a simple, noble melody played. Orchestral variations began to rise and that childhood captivation returned. The choir then exploded with human emotion and concluded with ecstatic, unified joy. Bill’s heart had swollen with emotion. He searched his memories for the same emotions when playing sports with his friends, but none of the excitement that he ever felt playing football compared to the fire that built inside him when he listened to his music or played on the piano. Many years later as an adult, Bill achieved his dream. He became a maestro pianist and performed at sold out concert halls and amphitheaters. He enjoyed the lights and the attention again, but those paled in comparison to the swelling joy inside from playing the piano.

In the recent April General Conference, Sister Camille N. Johnson, the Relief Society General President said, quote:

“We are whole in Jesus Christ when we exercise our agency to follow Him in faith, submit our hearts to Him so He can change them, keep His commandments, and enter a covenant relationship with Him, meekly enduring and learning from the challenges of this earthly estate until we return to His presence and are healed in every way.” end quote.

In the story, Bill could not become a master pianist until he fully committed to his goal. Every time he became distracted, he ended up hurting himself and could not resume his journey of becoming a concert pianist. His father had paid the price for his lessons, but he had to decide that he was fully committed to his desires. He had to be singularly focused. Keeping God’s commandments teach us to become like Christ in the same way that following all the rules for mastering the piano taught Bill to become a concert pianist. It involves techniques, discipline, dedication, focus, posture, hand placement, coordination, tempo, and so on.

I used to think that keeping God’s commandments was like flying a kite. The string keeps the kite high up in the air, but if I were to cut the string, the kite would come crashing down. While keeping God’s commandments keep us safe from falling like that kite, a more suitable explanation is that keeping God’s commandments teach us to become like Jesus Christ. While we should want to stay far away from harm and punishment like a kite stays far away from the ground, fear and pain are the wrong motivations to have. Instead, we should want to become exactly like Jesus Christ. All His commandments and all His teachings and sayings inform us about Him and His attributes and about all those who dwell with Him in heaven. The ten commandments not only forbid us from lying or stealing or committing adultery, but they also teach us that celestial people have no desire to lie or steal or commit adultery. When we LOVE like Jesus loves, we will always only do what is right and good and true. This is what being whole is like. Every time we sin, it is like breaking a bone or tearing a ligament and being unable to practice the piano to become a master pianist. And if we compare Jesus Christ to a master pianist, then becoming anything less than a master piano player is undesirable. It is to waste our full potential. And when we decide that we have received enough light and truth and desire no more or we desire to go no further, we in effect damn ourselves and remain broken.

When the Lord destroyed Zarahemla and many other cities, he spoke to the people in darkness who survived and said, quote:

3 Nephi 9:13 O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?
14 Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.

Jesus Christ wants to heal us. He wants to forgive us and make us whole. But God will not save those who do not obey His commandments. Why? Because those who desire and choose to remain broken and sinful, choose to be unlike Jesus Christ who is clean and pure. And no unclean thing can dwell with God. Thinking celestial is not enough. It’s a fun catch phrase, sure. But we must become celestial. And that happens now. In this life. With constant practice and desire and discipline like Bill had to become a concert pianist. The words disciple and discipline go hand in hand. Without changing our desires to become like Christ, we will continue to commit the same sins for which we have asked forgiveness and continue to ask forgiveness. In the presence of God, there is no difference between one who has committed sin and one who can (and will) sin again. Confession alone does not change our behavior.

God will forgive us freely again and again, but we are supposed to learn and grow, not return to a broken state. Forgiveness of sins absolves us from penalty of past sins, but it does not make us any less capable of committing future sins. To be healed or to be made whole is a permanent condition, or should be a permanent condition. Otherwise, we’re like Bill who kept breaking bone after bone, tendon after tendon. One day, there won’t be a doctor or a surgeon who can help Bill if he breaks another bone. In Mosiah 2:38-39 we read:

38 Therefore if that man repenteth not, and remaineth and dieth an enemy to God, the demands of divine justice do awaken his immortal soul to a lively sense of his own guilt, which doth cause him to shrink from the presence of the Lord, and doth fill his breast with guilt, and pain, and anguish, which is like an unquenchable fire, whose flame ascendeth up forever and ever. 39 And now I say unto you, that mercy hath no claim on that man; therefore his final doom is to endure a never-ending torment.

2 Nephi 9:38 And, in fine, wo unto all those who die in their sins; for they shall return to God, and behold his face, and remain in their sins.

When the Lord heals us or forgives us of our sins, making us clean, He expects us to stop sinning. To sin in Hebrew means to miss the Mark. And the Mark is none other than Jesus Christ. To shift our focus away from Him is to deviate from His character and attributes. It is to miss the Mark, or in other words, to sin. When the Jews wanted to stone a woman, Jesus intervened and when they had all left, Jesus told her that he did not condemn her. He told her to go and sin no more. To conclude, I will read one more passage from the book of John chapter 5, verses 5-14, and share my final thought.

5 And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?
7 The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.
8 Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.
9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.
10 ¶ The Jews therefore said unto him that was cured, It is the sabbath day: it is not lawful for thee to carry thy bed.
11 He answered them, He that made me whole, the same said unto me, Take up thy bed, and walk.
12 Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and walk?
13 And he that was healed wist not who it was: for Jesus had conveyed himself away, a multitude being in that place.
14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.

If we have repented of our sins and received forgiveness, let us be firmly resolved to retain a remission of our sins as described in the Book of Mormon. Let us not succumb to the temptation to invent ways to punish ourselves in order to distract ourselves from the real sacrifice that God asks of us, which is a broken heart and contrite spirit. If we do, we will either find ourselves without the progress we could have by focusing on God, or we will find ourselves retrograding, or in other words, moving backwards, when our sacrifice does not result in any spiritual progress. God’s path is hard enough—we don’t have to invent things to make it more difficult. Instead, let us use that energy to ask Him what He wants us to do, and then do it. A full relationship with God requires full trust in Him. We can’t hold anything back. God will require of us anything we haven’t already given Him. It is total submission no matter what God may ask of us. Submission is a perishable status. We must die daily to the Lord as Paul describes in the New Testament by crucifying the flesh with all its affections and lusts. May the Lord heal each of us as we resolve firmly to keep God’s commandments because we love Him.

Looking for Life in all the Dead Places

20 Sunday Apr 2025

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The following is a talk/sermon given today in church by a dear brother who gave me permission to share it with the world:

Have you ever stuck a fork or a knife into an electrical outlet just to see what would happen? I want to preface this by saying, kids, do NOT EVER try this at home. But for those of you who’ve already been as foolishly curious as I have, you know it’s not fun. It’s not like it is in the cartoons. There’s a lot of pain, screaming, involuntary body movements, and ultimately, crying and tears. I only mention it because of a random thought I had as I was preparing this talk which reminded me of a Sunday school lesson a few weeks ago. We were discussing the restoration and I had made a comment regarding Joseph being the one to restore the power of God to the earth again. Using the analogy of a lamp that was in perfect working order; the lamp itself worked, the light bulb worked, but when you pulled the chain or turned the switch, the light didn’t come on, because it was no longer plugged in to the power source. Perhaps a better way to see it is the power had been cut off so that NONE of the lights in the house were working. The house being the earth and the lights being all the churches within in. Since Joseph Smith has restored the Lord’s power once again to the kingdom of God on the earth, whenever I speak about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, sometimes it’s like sticking my spiritual finger in the Lord’s spiritual power outlet. The effect is sudden, overwhelming, it can be spiritually jolting and there’s crying and tears – minus the screaming. So if I’m suddenly rendered speechless and tears begin to flow, it’s just the effect of the spiritual BZZZZZ!

The title I’ve chosen for my talk is “Looking for Life in all the Dead Places”.

I perceive a country song playing in your heads right now.

When Mary came to the tomb of Jesus on the third day, she was met by an angel who said, “Why seek ye the living among the dead?”

Those words have taken on new meaning for me. Years ago, when I left the church, it was the beginning of a years long journey of looking for life in all the dead places and in every face except the face of the “light and life of the world” – our Savior, Jesus Christ. My “Alma the younger lessons” didn’t come in a nice compact, concentrated, 3 days of unconscious eternal torment and the harrowing of my soul. Mine took 3 decades of carefully chosen or foolishly chosen (depending on the perspective) yet tailor made harrowing lessons of my own, that I now see how God was using for His good to turn me from the “wide gate and broad way which leads to destruction”, back to the “strait gate and narrow way which leads to life”. He knew very well who I was in the pre-mortal world. He knew what I did there and the choices I made that resulted in me being here now. He knew things about me that I didn’t, and a lot more that I still don’t. Through my patriarchal blessing, it’s like being able to see through a tiny crack in the veil, a glimpse of who I was then, who I am now, and my purpose for being here.

We’re all here in this mortal world that I like to think of as “God University”, where we’re all in class 24/7 for the duration of our lives and the main course of study is “How to become like God”. Each of us has our own set of lessons specific to who we are and who we’re becoming. Some of us arrive here in “school” and from the beginning we’re set on the straight path. Some of us arrive and don’t have that opportunity and our learning in this life happens on a divergent path that hopefully will lead us back to where we need to be. All of it is for one purpose with the same end result, our own immortality and eternal life.

If you’re facing a crisis of faith; if you’re feeling like you’ve done everything right; everything the Lord has asked of you, and your watching your life go down a path that you never saw coming, through no fault of your own, and it’s causing you to question God, and it’s confusing to you because you can’t understand why this is happening. Or if you’ve experienced something or done something in your past that is, in your mind, holding you back from going to the temple and receiving ALL the blessings God has waiting for you for no other reason than YOU haven’t forgiven yourself. I stand before you today to deliver a message, “It’s time.” Time to come boldly to the throne of grace and FULLY surrender yourself to the Lord. Time to stop looking for your life in all the dead places. Cease seeking the living among the dead, and lose your life in the light and life of the world.

It doesn’t matter if we’ve been a conscious deliberate sinner or have repeatedly faced failure and disappointment, the moment we decide to try again; I’ll say that again. The “MOMENT” we “DECIDE”; the SECOND we CHOOSE to try again, the atonement of Jesus Christ can help us with IMMEDIATE effect. If you’re like me, I used to think that I had to jump through all kinds of spiritual hoops FIRST before forgiveness could be received. I was wrong. The powerful effects of the atonement of Jesus Christ happens the instant we repent and choose to try again. All of us have had these experiences at some point in life, multiple times, I’m sure. Some of you may be experiencing a time like that right now. Some may be feeling guilt for something you’ve already repented for and God has long forgiven and forgotten. But your memory of a past transgression has you falsely shackled and feeling unable to move forward. That is just one of the powerful tools of the adversary that he uses to cheat you out of everything God is trying to give you, by causing you to feel as though you’re less than what you’re really worth to God. You are worth EVERYTHING to God. So much so that He sent His only Begotten Son to do that which we could NEVER do for ourselves, and provide a way home to our Father. I encourage you to take THIS MOMENT to decide to allow Jesus Christ and His atonement to help you unchain yourself from the sorrow and guilt that prevents you from progressing higher.

Elder Holland said:

“However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s atonement shines.”

If Christ can overcome death, what can He NOT do?

Someone asked me recently, “What do you do when you feel discouraged?” I’m sure we’ve all been asked the question, “If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self?” As I carefully thought through this scenario, I came to the conclusion that this wouldn’t be very helpful for me. Instead of going into the past, I like to go into the future. Millennia from now. Instead of “GIVING” advice to my past self, I prefer to “RECEIVE” advice from the immortal, celestial, eternal, glorified, future version of me. That conversation goes something like, [my immortal self speaking];

“I know this thing you’re going through right now feels hard, even crushing, perhaps devastating and debilitating. I KNOW how you feel because I was you. But I’m standing before you as living proof that I AM who I AM now because of YOU; because of what you’ve done, because of what you’re doing now, and because of all that you WILL do. All of this that you’re experiencing now is all just part of the process. It’s part of OUR process of YOU becoming ME. You’re doing so well. Just stay the course and remain close to the Lord. Trust in Him and do everything He asks of you without question, without hesitation, and without resistance as Jesus did, even if you can’t understand WHY in the moment. You will come to understand everything in time. He will NEVER lead you wrong.  Have complete faith in that. If you can do this, and, spoiler alert, I ALREADY KNOW you can, you will have NOTHING to worry about. And one day, YOU will be ME.”

Imagine for a moment coming in contact with a creature that is glorious beyond ANYTHING you could ever encounter in this world, and like Joseph said about his first vision, “defies all description”. A creature so celestially glorious and other worldly that if you could see it now you would be tempted to drop to your knees and worship it. Then imagine that after the initial shock and wonder has had a chance to subside enough for you to come somewhat back to your senses, you’re finally hit with mind altering reality that this creature is YOU. What you’re really looking at is the immortal, resurrected, glorified, eternal version of what you’re in the process of becoming. I promise you that if you go and have a conversation with THAT person, your despair would dissipate directly.

I leave you with more words of Elder Holland.


Today is Easter, a time for the righteous principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ and His atonement to “PASS OVER”, pass over conflict and contention, pass over despair and transgression, and pass over, ultimately, over death. It’s a time to pledge total loyalty in word and deed to the Lamb of God, who “bore our griefs and carried our sorrows” in His determination to finish the work of salvation in our behalf. In spite of betrayal and pain, mistreatment and cruelty, and bearing all the accumulated sins and sorrows of the human family, the Son of the living God looked down the long path of mortality, saw us this weekend, and said: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A Perfect Abortion

01 Saturday Feb 2025

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“…The Law of consecration could not be kept here, & that it was the will of the Lord that we should desist from trying to keep it, & if persisted in it would produce a perfect abortion, & that he assumed the whole responsibility of not keeping it untill proposed by himself.” Minutes and Discourse, March 6, 1840 (JS Papers, Documents Vol. 7.)

I have spent many years pondering this. Today, while LDS temples are being built and announced in record numbers, giving the impression that our church is growing in leaps and bounds, the fact remains that while we covenant to live the law of consecration, there remains a gross inequality throughout the global church.

1828 Dictionary: ABOR’TION, noun [Latin abortio, a miscarriage; usually deduced from ab and orior.]
1. The act of miscarrying, or producing young before the natural time, or before the fetus is perfectly formed.
2. In a figurative sense, any fruit or produce that does not come to maturity, or any thing which fails in its progress, before it is matured or perfect, as a design or project.
3. The fetus brought forth before it is perfectly formed.

I find Joseph’s usage of the word “abortion” interesting. I believe it refers to the woman’s child mentioned in Revelation Chapter 12. Furthermore, Joseph assuming the whole responsibility for the saints’ refusal/inability to to keep it bore grave results. Zion was never redeemed, and as of today, nearly two centuries later, we are further from Zion than ever before. Consider the following revelation given in 1832:

D&C 78:3 3For verily I say unto you, the time has come, and is now at hand; and behold, and lo, it must needs be that there be an organization of my people, in regulating and establishing the affairs of the storehouse for the poor of my people, both in this place and in the land of Zion—
4 For a permanent and everlasting establishment and order unto my church, to advance the cause, which ye have espoused, to the salvation of man, and to the glory of your Father who is in heaven;
5 That you may be equal in the bonds of heavenly things, yea, and earthly things also, for the obtaining of heavenly things.
6 For if ye are not equal in earthly things ye cannot be equal in obtaining heavenly things;
7 For if you will that I give unto you a place in the celestial world, you must prepare yourselves by doing the things which I have commanded you and required of you.
8 And now, verily thus saith the Lord, it is expedient that all things be done unto my glory, by you who are joined together in this order…

Just two years later, the Lord declared the following:

D&C 105:2 Behold, I say unto you, were it not for the transgressions of my people, speaking concerning the church and not individuals, they might have been redeemed even now.
3 But behold, they have not learned to be obedient to the things which I required at their hands, but are full of all manner of evil, and do not impart of their substance, as becometh saints, to the poor and afflicted among them;
4 And are not united according to the union required by the law of the celestial kingdom;
5 And Zion cannot be built up unless it is by the principles of the law of the celestial kingdom; otherwise I cannot receive her unto myself.
6 And my people must needs be chastened until they learn obedience, if it must needs be, by the things which they suffer.

As long as there is inequality in the church, Zion will not be redeemed within the church. It just can’t be. I believe the Lord will do it His own way with His own “strange act.” In the allegory of the olive trees in Jacob chapter five, the fruit is always corrupt except “in the beginning” and until all the fruit becomes “equal.” Then and only then is the fruit no more corrupt:

Jacob 5: 74 And thus they labored, with all diligence, according to the commandments of the Lord of the vineyard, even until the bad had been cast away out of the vineyard, and the Lord had preserved unto himself that the trees had become again the natural fruit; and they became like unto one body; and the fruits were equal; and the Lord of the vineyard had preserved unto himself the natural fruit, which was most precious unto him from the beginning.

Notice some key words in the next verse:

75 And it came to pass that when the Lord of the vineyard saw that his fruit was good, and that his vineyard was no more corrupt, he called up his servants, and said unto them: Behold, for this last time have we nourished my vineyard; and thou beholdest that I have done according to my will; and I have preserved the natural fruit, that it is good, even like as it was in the beginning. And blessed art thou; for because ye have been diligent in laboring with me in my vineyard, and have kept my commandments, and have brought unto me again the natural fruit, that my vineyard is no more corrupted, and the bad is cast away, behold ye shall have joy with me because of the fruit of my vineyard.

Temples may dot the entire Earth and members covenant to live the law of consecration, all while Zion remains unredeemed (meaning to be brought back into Jesus Christ’s presence as with Enoch and his city). Here in the United States, if we experience a reprieve from a collapse of some sort, and Americans experience a tiny surge of prosperity, what will they do with their new “Golden Age” as President Trump promises? Will it prove our final condemnation? We read what will happen to us in 3 Nephi chapters 20 through 22.

Food for thought.