All that glitters

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It has been a while since I’ve updated my blog. There has been so much on my mind and it’s not for lack of material, but rather for lack of organizing everything in my mind into bite-sized digestible posts. This year has almost come to a close and I have learned so much and so much has happened to me in this time and in the last few years and I struggle to share everything that I desire to share, but will do so as the Spirit dictates. Perhaps I can save others the heartaches that I endured.

I began chasing wealth at a young age. I thought that wealth was a good litmus test for being blessed and favored of the Lord. I think many Christians think this is true: If I am gainfully employed, providing all the necessities and comforts in life for my family and myself, etc, then it is because I am blessed. To a certain degree, perhaps it is true. I’ve built businesses. I’ve expanded into many cities. I’ve lived in a big house on a hill with a manicured lawn and garden. I’ve spent more money on things that I don’t need than I care to remember. But I was sorely lacking in what mattered most–a personal, real, tangible relationship with the Lord.

It wasn’t until several years ago that I began to feel an inexplicably strong sense of urgency, but for what, I couldn’t tell. But it gnawed at me ceaselessly. I learned through foolish pride that I was paying a price for grand things where moth and rust corrupt–worldly riches. I ignored that still small voice for so long and leaned on my own wisdom. It cost me almost everything.

I no longer chase success. I don’t care for wealth or money. I no longer live in my big, six bedroom home on a hill with a view. I had forgotten to put it all on the alter and as a result, I lost it the hard way. Today after a hard lesson in humility, I realize that God had been answering a prayer I offered over twenty years ago. Let he that hath ears hear. Today I have put everything on the altar. I have sold much of what I own and given away just as much, if not more. I have no need for extra sofas, televisions, bed sets, furniture, etc. I am still in the process of donating more things that I don’t need or use, that I know will help others. I have developed a genuine love for everyone around me. My heart breaks to see someone in pain, someone ignored, someone passed by, someone hungry or naked.

I live in a small home now, just perfect for my needs. I am employed in a very strong company with excellent benefits, I own a small business that earns more than I spend with it and I spend most of my free time volunteering, serving in various capacities and/or studying the scriptures and gospel doctrine. I have learned to let go of the world and all that glitters. I am more wealthy than I ever have been in my life. There are yet unfulfilled promises waiting to be kept. The greatest treasure that man can achieve, if he is willing to put all that he has on the altar of sacrifice and that is eternal life.

To the reader, I ask this: What do you spend your free time doing? Watching football? Offroading? Boating? Playing the latest video games? What are your most prized possessions? Four wheelers? Trophies? That shiny new car on your driveway? Now the real question: Would you give it all away for greater treasures?

One man did. A king:

Alma 22:15  And it came to pass that after Aaron had expounded these things unto him, the king said: What shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Yea, what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy.

Indeed the Lamanite king received his greatest desire. And before he died, he did truly give his kingdom away. I realize today that I was compelled to be humble. I was bitter for a small while and I foolishly thought that I was being punished, but in reality, the Lord spent twenty years teaching me a lesson that did not need to take so long to learn at a great cost. But He gives us our freedom to choose. And I chose the world. But He did not forget a sincere desire that I had long forgotten. I won’t spell it out here, but i will leave you with one more scripture from my favorite prophet who walked the path that we all sooner or later follow, if our hearts are true:

2 Nephi 32:4 Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.
5. For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.
6. Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And when he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do.

I am still learning…

Oh, how lovely was the morning!

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April 10, 2009. It’s just a few weeks into Spring, about the same time that a young teen-aged boy entered this same grove of trees just 190 years before. I knew right away that this was unlike any outdoor hiking trip that I had ever been on and I’ve been on many of them. I’d always felt a wonderful sense of beauty in God’s creation. Being out on a lake fishing or camping in the woods and being ‘one’ with nature, soaking it all in is one thing, but in that grove, maybe this is one time that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Some of the oldest trees I walked past might have been mere saplings when Joseph Smith walked the same ground. Only six trees have been identified as being old enough that they were still growing in 1820. These have come to be known as the “Witness Trees.” Still, the feeling was one of utter tranquility, calmness and love.

When I toured the farm, My family and I were the only ones there in our group. The skies were dingy and cloudy and the wind brought intermittent flurries of snow, but that wasn’t going to stop me from walking the grove until I had had my fill. My sister and her family had visited several times before so after a quick walk they went back to the car out of the cold weather. My wife followed soon after. I literally had the grove all to myself and it was such a wonderful experience. I walked through it for what may have been a half hour or so, as I communed with the Lord. I felt that the He was pleased with me and my efforts in life and I also knew that He was mindful of me and my determination to serve Him.

For a little while the clouds cleared up, casting rays of sunlight through, as if the heavens opened up just a little for me. The snow stopped and I took pictures of various scenes, including the sun through the tree tops, still partially covered by clouds. I felt the Holy Spirit stronger in one area of the grove than anywhere else, and I pictured Joseph Smith kneeling there. Perhaps that was the spot that he had once predetermined to visit.

As the trail led me to one of the exits, the clouds began to gather again and the wind began to blow the snow in as if the Lord was personally ushering me out. It was so tranquil and I did not want to leave but my family waited for me in their cars on the other side of the farm. I could feel the world again as I set foot outside the grove, noting for the very first time the sounds of my footsteps on the trail as I exited.

As I walked back to the car on the trail by the farm and the log house, I noted the Palmyra temple across the highway up on a hill. I wonder if Joseph ever saw it in one of his many visions. Talk about the course of the Lord being an eternal round! His work of the restoration continues where it all began! We drove across the highway up to the temple and I stood there looking past the clearing, down at the farm and the grove on the far side. I wonder how many angels attend these hallowed grounds, watching over all those who visit. This will definitely have been the highlight of my vacation.

Replica of Joseph Smith’s home around 1820.The Palmyra Temple, just west of the Smith farm.

Pray and not faint

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Today we live in a world of automation and instant gratification. Where once it took up to a minute to dial someones telephone number on a rotary phone, today we’re connected at the push of a touch screen icon. Even with the age of the internet and wireless technology we can transfer money between accounts in a matter of seconds. There is no need to wait minutes for a dial-up connection or for an internet page to load. One click and in the blink of an eye, today the page is loaded and ready to browse. You can connect with anyone around the world in seconds where once it required a written letter via air mail that would take between two to three weeks for a single correspondence. Even few people grow their own food when you can go to the nearest burger joint for a meal in under two minutes. We have spoiled ourselves rotten.

We tend to have this same mentality with prayer. We desire something, which in our finite wisdom we think is good, and ask it of our Father in Heaven. We tend to ask with superficial sincerity, with not much more than uttering a couple phrases, as if we were going to withdraw an instant blessing from a heavenly account and not give much more thought after our petition, thinking we’ll get what we prayed for within the next day or week. And when the answer doesn’t come as we expect, we give up asking and rationalize that there is always a reason for everything. That much, however, is true.

More often than not, most people pray hoping for an answer, but seldom, if ever truly praying with faith. There is a distinct difference between praying with hope and praying with faith. Most who pray may not doubt God’s ability to grant requests, but they seldom exercise faith long enough to wait for the right answer. When Jesus Christ walked on the stormy Sea of Galilee, Peter petitioned the Savior to bid him come out onto the water with Him. He hoped that the answer would be yes. Jesus Christ granted his petition but it was not until Peter exercised faith to take that first step, defying the laws of a natural world that he was able to do it. It wasn’t until the storm shook Peter’s faith that he began to immediately sink, even while in the very presence of and within the grasp of his divine mentor.

James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to allmen liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

When people pray for an answer, they may believe that God has the power to grant their request, but seldom do they believe that He will. What, therefore, separates those who receive answers from those who don’t? The primary answer is faith. Faith is evidenced by a person’s actions, not hopes. Peter’s example above illustrates this point. Consider also a Gentile by the name of Cornelius, who was a Roman Centurion, which we read about in the New Testament. It was his humble prayer accompanied by fasting that changed his life. After having fasted for four days, proving his determination to gain an audience with heaven, his petition was answered by a visit from an angel and soon after by the apostle Peter. I have no doubt that Cornelius would have continued fasting for as long as it took for heaven to take notice.

What is it about fasting that focuses or amplifies the power of prayer? By depriving our physical bodies of nourishment, we subjugate the flesh to the spirit. And when we have gained mastery of our physical body by the good desires of our spirit and our heart, the “veil” that separates our mortal world from the eternal and heavenly  sphere becomes thinner, making communication with heaven more powerful.

Lorenzo Snow, a young missionary in Italy, was faced with a dire situation. A young boy was sick on his death bed, surrounded by grieving family members. Snow knew that he had the priesthood power as the apostles of old did to heal this boy, but he first had to know the will of the Lord. Sometimes it is appointed to us to leave this mortal world. But if not, then petitions are granted. The next day, Lorenzo fasted and went alone to pray outside the town, alone in the mountains. He was determined not to move until he had received an answer, whether it was yes or no. He struggled six long hours in fervent prayer until finally his answer came. He returned to the home of the boy with the approval from God, and with his priesthood authority, laid his hands on the boy and healed him.

Seeking first the Lord’s will is another key that separates those who receive answers from those who don’t. Furthermore, we must accept that the answer is not one we will always want to hear. Sometimes, the answer will be no. When Jesus Christ bled from every pore in Gethsemane, He prayed that His bitter cup be removed. He had had enough and wanted to stop. Yet He knew what His Father’s will was and because of His love for his Father in heaven, he continued, “not my will but thy will be done.” And so He finished what He started and became the Savior of mankind.

If we truly received the answers to all the prayers we ever uttered, I think our world would be in much greater chaos than it is today for it is because of free will that God allows us to manage ourselves for the most part. But for the few who truly receive answers, it is because of hope and their exercise of faith AND because they have come to understand God’s will, especially in the matters of their own personal lives, AND aligning their own will with that of God’s that they receive answers.

Sometimes prayers are answered immediately if expedient in the Lord at the time. Such was the case as I shared in a recent entry, A humming bird and a prayer. It has not always been the case. I have literally prayed for hours before finally receiving a definitive answer. And sometimes, most of the time, the answer is no. We also have to accept the fact that God sees beyond the horizon. His wisdom and foresight is infinitely greater than our own. I have come to accept this in my life as I continually refine my own desires and I align them with His will and His work.

His ultimate desire for each of us is to bring us back into His presence. And so He has given each of us a set of trials, weaknesses and obstacles to overcome so that we become mindful of Him and continually turn to Him for guidance. For many, however, especially those who do not understand how the Lord operates, it becomes a bitter experience, which leaves them cynical and doubting.

But for the humble followers, the meek believers who endure patiently, with longsuffering and love for others, who follow Christ’s example and way of life, who by these virtues become more Christlike, answers come more readily, typically because they are offered, not on behalf of themselves, but on behalf of and for intercession of others, for they have become true servants of their fellow man, concerned not for their own personal gain, but for the welfare of others.

Moriancumr received all that he desired:

Ether 1:43 And there will I bless thee and thy seed, and raise up unto me of thy seed, and of the seed of thy brother, and they who shall go with thee, a great nation. And there shall be none greater than the nation which I will raise up unto me of thy seed, upon all the face of the earth. And thus I will do unto thee because this long time ye have cried unto me.

Nephi also had received answers to great questions:

1 Nephi 16 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers…
19 And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me, saying: Blessed art thou, Nephi, because of thy faith, for thou hast sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart.

Enos also received an answer to a prayer:

2 And I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins.
3 Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart.
4 And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.
5 And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed.
6 And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.
7 And I said: Lord, how is it done?
8 And he said unto me: Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen. And many years pass away before he shall manifest himself in the flesh; wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole.

Enos had faith. He hoped that he would receive an answer. He knew that God could answer. But it was his exercise of faith, knowing that God would answer, to stay on his knees until he received an answer, which he finally did just as Lorenzo Snow, Nephi, Moriancumr and many others throughout history who proved themselves worthy of divine attention.

Throughout written scripture we read over and over where we should “pray and not faint.” What this simply means is to be ever drawn to our Father in heaven in prayer, that our thoughts always be directed to Him. To faint means to falter, to give up, to lose hope, to lose courage.  Nephi sums it up this way:

2 Nephi 32:8 And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.
9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.

According to Vines Dictionary of NT Words, page 400, enkakeo (Greek word for faint), means to “lack courage, lose heart, be fainthearted.”

It is all to easy for us to become distracted by the shiny things of the world, to become idle, idolatrous, lazy, indifferent, etc. But if we remain focused, especially when we pray with righteous desires, and if we never doubt, as James in the New Testament warns, we will always receive an answer. But we must prove ourselves ready and willing to act upon that answer. Where much is given, much is required.

So how should we pray then? For me, I find that I need a quiet time of the day, usually in the very early hours of the morning (usually between 1 to 5 AM or so) on weekends where I can be alone in silence, and can focus and ponder my life, my struggles, my desires, etc. and where I can peacefully search the scriptures. It is during this time that I can prepare myself mentally and spiritually to approach the Lord in prayer. Sometimes I will go to a quiet corner of my home, where I like to read by the window or I will go outside on a swing chair. The greater the matter that I take up with heaven, the more time I give myself to be alone. Sometimes an entire weekend alone isn’t enough. But with enough solitude, the proper state of mind and heart, preparation and fasting, I know that I will get an answer. One of my greatest desires, if not the greatest, has yet to be granted. But I know that my feet are on the path to being granted this desire. It is partly the reason that I have created this blog. I only hope that along the way, I will have shed a broad enough light that many others may benefit from it.

Prince Ammon

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Throughout scriptural history, we read about lineages and genealogies, whether in the Old Testament or in the New Testament. It was evidently customary for the nations of Israel to recognize who was the son of who as far back as tradition holds. This is how we learn in the first chapter of Matthew of Jesus Christ’s birthright to the throne of David, had He chosen to claim it.

When Mosiah discovered the land of Zarahemla, he learns of their genealogy after they had been taught the language of the Nephites and this is how they learned of their common history. There are examples in the Book of Mormon where someone recited his lineage before declaring his message. I believe that Ammon, the eldest son of King Mosiah, was being modest in his record keeping and left out a few parts. I think his introduction to the Lamanite king was more ceremonial than we read about.

I believe it went something like this: Ammon is brought bound before the king and he bows before Lamoni, recites his lineage as it is customary in the land. “Behold, O king, I am Ammon from the land of Zarahemla. I am the son of Mosiah, who is the son of Benjamin, who is the son of Mosiah…who was the son of Lehi who came out of Jerusalem during the reign of King Zedekiah.” And thus we discover that Lamoni was a descendant of Ishmael. Lamoni, the son of the king over all the Lamanites in the land of Ishmael was not ignorant of who the king of the Nephites in Zarahemla was and that before him knelt the heir to the throne in Zarahemla. Lamoni must have thought, “What does the prince of the Nephites want to do with us?”

Alma 17:22 And the king inquired of Ammon if it were his desire to dwell in the land among the Lamanites, or among his people.
23 And Ammon said unto him: Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time; yea, and perhaps until the day I die.

Lamoni, awestruck, was impressed–so impressed that he has Ammon’s bands removed.

24 And it came to pass that king Lamoni was much pleased with Ammon, and caused that his bands should be loosed; and he would that Ammon should take one of his daughters to wife.

I don’t think Lamoni was so intent on uniting kingdoms as he was simply wishing to honor the young prince in return. But Ammon politely declined, either because he was already married, perhaps with children back in Zarahemla, or his mind was otherwise simply single in purpose. His only desire was to serve and not rule. And he became King Lamoni’s servant by tending his flocks of sheep. What a fitting task for one who became a shepherd of a Lamanite nation. By the time he had proven himself a strong and loyal servant, his strength and royalty had been acknowledged and recognized:

Alma 18:13 And one of the king’s servants said unto him, Rabbanah, which is, being interpreted, powerful or great king, considering their kings to be powerful; and thus he said unto him: Rabbanah, the king desireth thee to stay.

“Ammon and Lamoni” by Joseph F. Brickley:

I believe it is reasonable to conclude that Ammon had indeed remained with this people after having served them for fourteen years in their land, even long after having brought them back to the land of Zarahemla to inherit the land of Jershon and and lived with them, becoming their high priest. If he was still alive when they migrated north after the civil wars, it is possible that he and his family departed with them:

Helaman 3:12 And it came to pass that there were many of the people of Ammon, who were Lamanites by birth, did also go forth into this land.

A hummingbird and a prayer

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I really try not to put a big light on myself as a person and I don’t care what critics and naysayers think about me. But I do not shy away from holding up my light rather than hiding it under a bushel. The light that I hold up is my Savior, Jesus Christ, and what He has done for me in my life. And maybe one day, I will share everything that I have seen and heard, but today I feel impressed to share one small experience.

It was May 6, 2008 when I was in my garage doing some work, as well as in the yard getting my sprinkler system fixed. I heard something, which startled me and when I looked up I saw a hummingbird hovering around the ceiling. It was the rapid flapping that had caught my attention. It flew back and forth trying to find a way out. The garage has a twelve foot high ceiling so the top of the main garage door opening, which was shielded by the open door, which hung above me, was a good four feet below the ceiling line.

It darted back and forth and it didn’t take long to realize that there was no way it would find it’s way out. I grabbed my snow shovel and lifted it up to try and guide it in the right direction, but all I managed to do was frighten it. Still I tried gently coaxing it for a while, hoping that I could get it to fly low enough to see the giant 8’x16′ garage door opening and fly outside. It just wasn’t working. I kept trying to think of different approaches, but there simply wasn’t one that wouldn’t hurt it or even scare it more.

I know that the Lord is aware of all His creatures including this little hummingbird. I figured the simplest, though not necessarily the easiest way to do this was to take it in my hand and walk outside with it and release it. I prayed to God and I told Him that I couldn’t think of any other way to help it. Anything that finds its way into my garage eventually dies from the heat in the summer and I didn’t want the the hummingbird to die, too, so I asked for help. I needed this little bird to trust me.

Just as soon as I had prayed, the hummingbird landed on a wire hanging above the motor of my garage door opener. It sat there and just looked at me. I knew this was my chance. I slowly climbed up on the hood of my car and crawled up the windshield towards it as it looked straight at me. By now I was just a few feet away from it. I reached past the garage door motor and wrapped my hand around its little body. I braced myself, being in a awkward position, to keep from falling or sliding off my car and with my other hand I gently unwrapped its tiny feet from the wire as it did not seem to want to let go.

I was elated as I looked at the little guy just barely poking its head through my fingers. I couldn’t get over how tiny it was inside my hand. I carefully climbed back down my car and walked outside as it peeked through my fingers. It was a beautiful iridescent green in color. I opened my hand and watched it fly away. It was such a cool experience! I was thankful that God answered my prayer and I know that He cares about all of His creatures, even as tiny as a hummingbird. Because of this and many other personal experiences, I know that anything that we ask of God is granted us, if it is expedient in Him, if we ask in faith. Not all prayers are answered as quickly. I’ve literally spent hours at a time on my knees praying before finally receiving an answer. This particular experience at this particular point in my life reassured me that God is aware of me.

Edit: It’s been over a year since I published this post that the Lord taught me why He gave me this experience. Like the hummingbird, I have always struggled to be attentive. And although I am a tiny part of this world, I am not insignificant. Most importantly, it has taught me the importance of being still so that I can know God. I have learned to recognize His hand in my life. That little hummingbird, prone to getting itself into trouble is me.